Words can light candles in darkness or set flames that burn lives down.
I remember loving everything about myself as a little girl. When I was about three, I used to think my curly hair was so pretty. I liked what I saw in the mirror, and I never had reason to question it. Well, until I started Kindergarten. There were two of us named Stacey, and our little friends differentiated by calling us "White Stacey" and "Black Stacey." I never thought of myself as "black," especially because the very word sounds weird to a child. Brown, sure, but black? Ummm...no one on God's green earth is black. Charcoal is black, not people. Between this instance and media messages, I began feeling like I wasn't seen as equal in terms of beauty. Although my family told me I was beautiful as-is, there's something about one's society using such descriptions that made me feel unseen and misunderstood.
As I got older, though, God began to extract the barbs from my heart and to pour on His healing love. He began to speak over my physical appearance with words of life! In high school, he had me overhear the guy I was dating describing how beautiful he considered a woman's smooth brown skin. Then, in my 20's, God had me read a series of books that further changed my thinking. The plot centered on an African American man and woman who were falling in love. The author used such luscious language to describe them, such as "smooth cocoa skin" or "chocolate brown."
Does this mean identity is all about outward beauty? No. But we can't discount the role of descriptive racial language in a child's growth. The Bible explains that life and death are in the power of the tongue, and media messages are a spoken word! In my own story, God was so brilliant as to heal with rhetoric that which was deposited with rhetoric.
Now as an adult, my identity is anchored in the God who loves me so well. Still, I am well aware that the way we speak over our girls can go deep. I remember babysitting for a sweet little Indian girl in New York City when this issue raised its head. We were reading books one day when she pointed to a picture of a blonde Barbie. She said she wanted to have blonde hair because it was pretty. I told her that her brown hair and brown skin were pretty, too! She didn't agree, and it took time to explain to her four-year-old heart that she really is special.
So here's the take-away. If there are girls in your care, whether they are daughters, nieces, students, etc., invite words into her realm that bring life. Especially for parents, protect her world from lies, especially from media. The enemy can be so subversive! Even in programming produced to promote diversity, the most important (and intelligent or virtuous) characters are usually white. Oftentimes, the other characters have little to offer, which speaks volumes to a child. No matter what her race, she needs truth with regard to how people are portrayed. Of course, she will go out and hear lies at times, but you speaking truth before the lies come equips her to discern trash from treasure. Once you attune her to God's truth about herself, get ready to watch her soar!
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