Years ago, I met this guy who was a great friend. Let's call him Bob. Not the same Bob as the last time I renamed someone Bob, though. :) Anyway. Bob was unlike most men I'd known at the time. He seemed so genuine. I remember being at the hospital with him and some friends once. We had come separately to see a mutual friend. The woman I was with asked Bob if he had finals the next day, which he did. He said yes, but that being there to see our friend was much more important than school.
I was delighted to see how selfless he was. I didn't see him much right after that, but then he started coming to the same church as me. I was excited, because I wanted to get to know him better. The more I saw how he treated people respectfully, the more I delighted.
Then I fell in love with him. I so liked that he treated people the way Jesus asks all of us to treat all people...that I fell in love with him. Stop and see something with me, here. Before knowing Bob, I didn't know many men who treated women well unless they wanted something in return. My soul longed to see such brothers. I longed so deeply that I was drawn like a moth to a flame. That's a good thing, to commend a brother. But to fall in love with him?
There were reasons why Bob was immature and not right for me. Like how he unabashedly looked at me lustfully, with no thought that it may make me uncomfortable. He seemed content to take his pleasure, actually knowing I was interested in him, taking no responsibility for what his actions cost me. Even when confronted.
So why bring this all up. It is noteworthy that sometimes your soul is drawn to something even if you know it isn't best. It is a symptom of some deep hunger in you that's not being satisfied. Like when you've already eaten, yet you can't put down the box of chocolate. Or when you can't stop looking at porn, or fantasizing by reading novels* rather than living in reality.
If I'd had lots of good men in my life, I wouldn't have been so eager to elevate Bob for his virtues. I think my decision to be in love with him was a misplaced gratitude for knowing that decent men existed.
In our hearts, we often mistake these deep things for romantic love.
Our culture often squashes our deep, pure emotion as "cheesy." It tells us to find emotional freedom in sex, like the only acceptable place to be loved intimately is in bed. Like we're only allowed to love and admire someone deeply if they are a spouse or relation. Like deep love only exists where we feel "justified" to care. But God desires all people to be one, like a body, which means we are a part of each other!
Because of this, we easily mistake deep emotion towards someone as sexual. This happens when we don't know how to relate deeply to people of the same sex, so we run for a sexual relationship because it's where we feel justified to express our feelings and needs for intimacy.Or maybe we are not used to healthily expressing emotional need or love for a family member. So we run for the coverage of incest. In pornography, perhaps we like the feeling of someone telling us we are special (who doesn't?), even if we know nothing about the person and they are paid to tell us these things. We feel safe working out our unsatisfied emotions without having to give anything in return, because maybe we are scared of rejection.
I'll tell you that all of these types of thoughts have run through my head at some point. Only by the grace of God have I not walked in these ways (well, mostly). But I am thankful that God has used what Satan meant for my destruction. Because now I understand what it's like. Don't believe the accusations that perverse thoughts mean you are a pervert. Not any more than putting on men's clothes makes me a man. But God loves you, precious treasure! His issue with sexual perversions is that it destroys your ability to notice His love, not that He needs to eradicate evil so He feels like an effective God! Come to Him and tell Him all. Nothing can stain you in His eyes. I promise, and so does He.
Let the God who formed your heart show you what you long for. He says in His word that "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." I used to hate this verse, because I always seemed to have hope deferred despite my efforts. "The longing I can't seem to see fulfilled makes my heart sick. Thanks for rubbing it in my face," I thought. But then God lovingly showed me that, that's not why He says this! He says it because He wants me to know there is such a thing as A LONGING FULFILLED! And He, who created my heart, can actually make SURE this longing is fulfilled! He is asking me if I will stop living along the road of hope deferred (e.g. chasing empty relationships because I am lonely, even if I know it's not the right person, thereby deferring the TRUE longing of my heart). He is asking me if I'll step into the adventure with Him and let His own power, love, and truth bring me into the wonderful freedom He made me for!
Will you let Him fill your every longing with good things?
*There's nothing wrong with reading novels, in itself. But if you find yourself escaping to books or movies instead of living your own adventure, ask God to show you why. I have been there!
This is very good, Stacey. There are so many good points, here. I was especially excited to see what you wrote about the "hope deferred makes the heart sick" Proverb, as God just opened that up to me in a whole new way recently as well. I felt like he told me that the cure to "hope deferred" is not to stop longing but to KEEP longing, to KEEP desiring, since a "longing fulfilled is a tree of life." I think you've placed that verse in a good context with healthy perspective so that people can continue to long, to desire, in a way that will be constructive rather than destructive. Very good writing, my friend! Keep it up!
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