During my first summer in Redding, CA, I was giving a new acquaintance a ride somewhere. It was blazing hot, as in, over 100 degrees! We get into the car, and she understandably complains of the heat. The AC is on, and it's getting cooler as we move. She reaches over and turns the AC on high, saying it's way too hot. I tell her she can feel free to control the vents in front of her seat, which were actually closed. She opens the vents, but still complains. But here's the reality of the situation. She was wearing a long sleeved button up shirt, jeans, and sneakers with socks!
Why do I tell you this? It illustrates how we sometimes navigate our environments relationally. I'm sure we've all been there. We feel unseen, rejected, misunderstood, etc., believing our feelings have resulted from the people and things around us. We're tempted to imagine that our experience is accurate, but how does our perception of reality play into it?
Now first off, let's establish that this isn't about blaming you for your pain. Rather, it's about finding the root of the problem so you can be free. Anyway. Sometimes the environment is the issue. But is there any part of it that we can fix? In this case, my friend could have started by opening her air vent. She also could have worn something summer-ready as she knew it would be hot. There's no doubt that a tank top, shorts and sandals would have had her feeling cooler from the start.
Like my friend's clothing, it's our defense mechanisms that may distort our perception of others. Like turning up the AC, we turn up our sarcasm, mistrust or harshness when we're unsure whether or not people will like us, intensifying the smallest offenses and demanding people's compliance. Or, we surround ourselves with only people that agree with us because we don't trust that others will love us when we disagree. In other words, we build up excessive "comforts" to compensate for the walls around our hearts. We blame others for how uncomfortable we are, not knowing that approaching others with an open heart may show us that they actually do accept us. Even if they don't, our freedom can lead them into love if we choose not to disconnect!
That said, let's also not overlook yet another important factor: there is a reason we sometimes cover up even when we know it's hot. Perhaps past abuse has written shame into us, so the idea of removing the layers makes us feel vulnerable in the worst way. Maybe all we know is that we hate wearing tank tops and shorts, but we aren't sure why. In the same way, we may be unsure why we experience our environment as hostile even when it's not.
But have no fear, beloved of God! Each one of you is so precious in His eyes, and He knows why you have the safety mechanisms you do! He didn't come to judge you or to point out your mistakes, but to set you free! If you have protective layers over your heart, I encourage you to do what I do when God shows these things to me. Go to a quiet place where you can be alone with God. Ask Him why you feel the way you do, and listen. Even if you've never heard Him talk to you before, try it, because He'll meet you there. Then ask Him how He wants to heal you. Accept His love! Even if you don't hear anything right away, know that He hears you and is healing your heart!
As He removes the layers, you'll find so much greater freedom, intimacy, and peace! Enjoy!
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