Romance Untwisted

Love is set apart. It's this beautiful, safe place that is spacious and free.

This weekend I am processing some things, but there's a testimony in it. So I thought I'd let you in on it in case it encourages you on your own journey. This is the tale of 2 instances. One demonstrates freedom while the other demonstrates a clever counterfeit.

Instance One:

Do you ever feel like romance is narrow? That is, you are expected to fill a certain part in a certain way, and if you do, the reward is connection. If you don't, your punishment is abandonment. I used to feel like this, and something happened recently that reminded me that I don't have to live that way anymore. This past weekend, I was on a retreat with a fair number of people I didn't know. When I arrived, there was a group of people who were there to greet and encourage us. One guy said something, though, that came across to me as a little snarky. I tried to forget it and not let it bother me, but it did.

I greatly prioritize relationship, and I didn't want to build a wall between myself and anyone, even if I barely knew the person. So I went back to talk to him. It was quite a sweet conversation, and he ended up apologizing and subsequently encouraging me. What he said meant a lot, and I appreciated his humility.

When I saw him later throughout the weekend, he was quite friendly. At one point, I noticed him walking into the room, seeking me out, and making a concerted effort to approach me. I could see in his eyes that it took some courage, and I wanted to honor him for it. We chatted for a bit, and he asked me how my weekend was going. I told him a little bit, but given that a lot of deep things were happening in me, I didn't want to share personal details merely to make conversation. So the conversation was a bit short-lived, and he left without saying much, as if he'd hoped for more. After he left, I felt the old familiar temptation to feel like I missed an opportunity. Like, because I did it wrong, there would be no positive outcome. But I know I don't live with that mindset anymore, so I didn't dwell on it.

The next day, I went up to him and told him how much I appreciated meeting him. I'd approached him because I was hoping to silence any doubt he may have had about my openness to connecting with him. Instead, he shook my hand and said he'd see me around. I was a bit disappointed, trying not to allow it to remind me of past broken relationship.

Instance Two:

I love being attracted to someone when their character suddenly shines forth, and you can't help but notice. That's how it was last year with a guy who often posted on a Facebook page for a group at my church. Over the course of the year, I watched as he demonstrated such love, humility, and openness towards others through his posts. Still, I had never met him in person and didn't give it much thought. Then one day a few months ago, we both attended a dinner at a mutual friend's house. So we got to chatting, and it was good!

We stayed in touch, and it was both fun and lighthearted. He invited me to a one-day local conference, which we ended up not attending. The conference happened to be about relationships, although that wasn't immediately clear from the link he'd sent me. I went to the website and read it, and was wondering exactly why someone I'd just met was inviting me to this. I told him it would be great to get a group together to go. He later messaged me and apologized, saying he hadn't actually read the details. 😊 I appreciated his humility, honesty, and sense of humor.

While we decided to go the route of friendship rather than romance, there was (and still is) such a freedom in our interaction! I have never felt with him like I needed to say and do just the right thing to make sure he knew my intentions. Being myself and communicating openly has always been enough. And in that, there's room for mistakes, apologies, life unscripted, and even laughable awkwardness 😊. It's so free, and so life-giving that it gives me a taste for how free it is to be in God's presence! So good!

I'm realizing that there's a difference between what I once thought was romance, and real connection: Twisted romance says you have to bend and contort yourself into a cookie-cutter shape in order to be accepted. In other words, you fit into it, even if it doesn't accommodate the needs of your heart. 

True love, on the other hand, says that relationship takes shape in the context of both people getting to be themselves. That is, it fits you.

So even in the wake of someone insisting that I fit into a construct this weekend, I get to simply be reminded of where God's brought me. Rather than being pulled back into a broken place, I get to move ahead as I look forward to freedom only increasing!

If you ever feel like love is a game, and you're tired of playing, let my story bring you hope. There is something real, special, and free, and there's room in it for you! I promise you there are people who are healthy, mature, and genuine. If you're wondering how you can step into this, ask God. Find a quiet place alone, and just talk to Him like you talk to a friend. He will answer you, and He'll begin to bring you into places of freedom you may never even have dreamed about! Enjoy 😊