If the best things in life aren't free, why do we go for the cheap? For instance, do you ever notice how sometimes we appease people so we won't have to deal with conflict? We'd let them walk right into a hornet's nest if it meant we didn't have to argue or leave our own comfort zone. Let me share an example.
I once worked with a young boy whose actions made it difficult for his parents to care for him properly. He had a neurological disorder, and his severe aggression made it hard to reason with him. He was also a picky eater and seemed to have much discomfort around food, which actually made him more irritable. His parents' solution? Appease. They told his caregiver that if he becomes assaultive, give him candy as that usually calms him down.
Sure, in the short term, it makes him stop attacking if you give him what he wants. It also teaches him that aggression is a good way to control people. But what will that mindset do to his ability to form healthy relationships? Furthermore, refined sugar has already caused him severe dental issues, not to mention the risk of diabetes. So the "solution" to this child's aggression has basically amounted to this: Appease him to save yourself, even though it causes him long term socio-emotional and bodily harm. But isn't this the opposite of love, which is self-sacrificing?
Do you want to live a powerful life that is derailed by nothing? If you do, it will cost you. That's actually not a bad thing. We sometimes hear the cynical saying, "Nothing in life is free." But what if that meant you were simply destined for an expensive, extravagant life?
Consider the life you really want to live. Forget all barriers, and imagine the family, romantic relationship, career, education, etc. that you dream of. So what is stopping you from having it? Is it money, time, fatigue? Sure, those things are very real. But you know what? They are not invincible! If money is a problem, how about finding another job? If getting your dream job requires credentials you don't have, find a scholarship and go get those credentials.
And what about deeper things, like relationships? I was talking to a woman the other day, and what she said made me think. She is in a new relationship with a guy she really likes. She wants to save sex for marriage and just get to know him as a person. But the two cultivate unhealthy boundaries. I suggested that instead of hanging out in the bedroom at night, they could meet someplace conducive to conversation, but that's not so private that things go too far (i.e. a cafe, etc.). She said she doesn't want to give up that time of being alone with him. But in truth, protecting your relationship will cost you! If you are unwilling to stop doing what leads you into compromising your values, don't expect a healthy relationship to magically appear. But if you pay the price, you'll reap long term benefits that are better than temporary pleasure! In this case, you'll cultivate real intimacy that transforms your current lust-based sexuality into something deeply special.
Are there places where the longings of your heart are unfulfilled because it's too hard to break old habits? Don't lose heart! We've all been there. I remember when putting up boundaries with manipulative people was terrifying. But when I learned that God promises to help me, I started with one little situation, then another. Single decision after single decision changed my heart and made me strong. Now, this is no issue for me! Not only is my relationship life healthier, but the people around me can receive pure and powerful love from me!
So ask God what to do about the places in your life that are bound by your fear of paying the price. He'll give you strength and new solutions until there's total turn around! Happy price-paying and benefit-reaping!
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