I've been thinking a lot lately about the construct of Introversion and Extroversion. We all want to understand who we are, and this test offers a nicely packaged explanation. But is it realistic? Or is it just something we've come up with to explain our behavior even though it doesn't truly define everyone? What is it based on, and is buying into it healthy?
People can often base their perceived needs and relationships on this invented philosophy. I had a friend say once that, being a deep introvert, she was eager to live alone for a little while more before getting married. It made me wonder if, since she so enjoyed living alone, getting married was even a good fit. I knew another young woman in college who called me one evening and suggested that we hang out merely because she felt like lonely evenings meant she didn't have enough friends. In her mind, this was the definition of "extroversion." But really it was just using others to make herself feel confident.
People can often base their perceived needs and relationships on this invented philosophy. I had a friend say once that, being a deep introvert, she was eager to live alone for a little while more before getting married. It made me wonder if, since she so enjoyed living alone, getting married was even a good fit. I knew another young woman in college who called me one evening and suggested that we hang out merely because she felt like lonely evenings meant she didn't have enough friends. In her mind, this was the definition of "extroversion." But really it was just using others to make herself feel confident.
I remember a time in my own life, soon after graduating from college, during which I believed in Myers-Briggs all the way. I'd learned that I was an ENFJ, and I therefore was justified in always needing to be around people. I was coming from college where people were around 24/7, and adjusting to life outside this was hard. Spending significant time alone was usually uncomfortable, and as long as I had the personality excuse to hide behind, I never had to face the fact that there was something not quite right.
Thankfully, God began to show me more. I thought of how there's no insecurity in Heaven. And when we live in right relationship with God, He establishes the realities of Heaven in our lives! Yet here I was with the unheavenly reality of insecurity. Whenever I spent a good amount of time alone, I would feel like there was so much happening that I was missing out on. I would also feel like I didn't have real community since I had lonely moments, like my aforementioned college friend.
Finally I stopped basing my relational needs on the Myers-Briggs and sought the truth of the God who created my heart. In the many years that followed, some amazing things happened!
I began to enjoy alone time, just spending time with God and feeling confident that I'm a valid human being apart from others. I realized I'd had such a need for people's stamp of approval, which is why I felt like I was "energized" by them. But I realized I have my own energy to bring to the table!
I also saw a big change in my relationships. Rather than needing to put people around me so I could feel good, I was able to spend time with people for the purpose of loving them and not having to pull on their resources to fulfill myself. I came to a place where I could enjoy myself with or without others, and it feels like a much better balance.
I began to enjoy alone time, just spending time with God and feeling confident that I'm a valid human being apart from others. I realized I'd had such a need for people's stamp of approval, which is why I felt like I was "energized" by them. But I realized I have my own energy to bring to the table!
I also saw a big change in my relationships. Rather than needing to put people around me so I could feel good, I was able to spend time with people for the purpose of loving them and not having to pull on their resources to fulfill myself. I came to a place where I could enjoy myself with or without others, and it feels like a much better balance.
So regardless of your personality, remember that we all need others, and we all need time to ourselves. I wanted to share this, because I've found so much freedom in it! Just be honest with yourself about why you're seeking either social time or alone time. Be careful not to use alone time to hide from the world, because we all need reliable friends who can encourage us. And be careful not to use social time to hide from internal turmoil. Once our motivations come from peace rather than insecurity, we'll be on a solid path to the wholeness we were made for!
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