One evening when I was in college, I was at a ballroom dance class when a lovely young woman said a curious thing to me. We'd just learned a new step, and our teacher set us free to practice it with music. My partner and I were done dancing, so I sat off to the side until I either got a new partner or until the music stopped. This woman and I began chatting, and she told me one thing she disliked about our class. "I hate all the skinny girls in here. Sorry." I thought that was a strange thing to say to me, like it was somehow ok to tell me she hated me because of how I looked. But I understood that she was hurting. Basically, she felt that her not being thin enough was the reason she didn't get asked to dance much. She thought it was the fault of other women who looked, in her opinion, like more suitable dance partners. She believed the lie that thin is better, and better-yet-seemingly-unattainable is a worthy enemy.
Sadly, our culture stirs this divide between women. For so long, people have viewed the media and fashion world as a place hostile to those who don't have small frames and long legs, and understandably so. College-aged women have been studied and documented for high levels of anxiety and depression based on how ads and articles make them feel. Some great conversation has arisen around this issue, but what about the less desirable result of division among women?
In trying to help women see that we don't all have to look the same, some have demonized thin physiques and judged those who have it. I keep hearing those who want a change saying, "I like to use "real women" in my articles [or movies, runway shows, etc.]." The bizarre implication here is that being thin is unrealistic. It's like people are saying that it's a good yet unattainable thing to be a size 2, so let's all just give it up and feel okay with mediocrity. Those who are that size, after all, are not normal.
Now stay with me for a minute. I am not saying that not being a size 2 is mediocrity; that's actually what our society is saying. They are saying this simply by stating that being thin is unrealistic. So basically, the "real women" proponents are not actually opposing a media set standard; they are agreeing with it. They are saying it is the best, but that most people just can't reach it. It's the inferiority complex that says you tear down your enemy to make the fight more fair, which implies that your enemy is stronger/better than you are. It all comes from fear.
But here's the reality, y'all. We are all well-made. Some have short frames, some have tall. Some are curvy, some are athletic and muscular. Women are sizes 0, 20, 8, and everything in between. But we're all real women. It's that simple. We are free to be who we are!
So how do we step out of the race and stop treating whole populations of women as if they are enemies just because of our personal insecurities?
We start by knowing who we are; precious creations knit by the hand of God for a purpose way bigger than physique. Instead of obsessing over how much we gained or lost, we go out into our community, serve others, live our lives and change the world! If we know we have a purpose, we will feel empowered to love ourselves well and to respect our bodies. We'll then invite healthy influences (e.g. not fashion articles that tell you how you should look) into our lives that will empower us to lead a life that recognizes others' beauty as well as our own.
Let's start being here for each other and stop competing. No one can be you like you can, and attacking someone who has what you think you need will only isolate you in the end. There's plenty of desirability, beauty, and goodness to go around! The reality is that we as women need each other. If someone has a good quality you lack, don't you think maybe you could learn from her? Let's choose to caringly support each other, and watch how powerful we will all become! No one of us is as powerful as all of us!
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