Relating in Color

Hundreds of years ago, and throughout history, a sad thing occurred. Some people decided that other people should be their slaves because the color of their skin was different. Then slavery was abolished so that it could not officially happen anymore, but in the heart of our nation, it still remains.

How, you say? After all, think of the advancements we have made. Our schools are integrated now, and all people are allowed to sit wherever they please on buses and trains. You can find African Americans in all professions, all types of colleges, and even as President!

Well, yes. Those things are true. On the surface. But let's consider this. We have a system, for one, that takes no responsibility for giving children equal education. Because public school funding is based on tax dollars of district residents, it is a given that those in poor neighborhoods will attend poor schools, which will give them poor educations. No number of after school programs will erase the heart damage that the message, "You are less-than" inscribes on a child's soul. We hear people say things like, "Black children are more likely to [insert something negative here.]" We think these are just written facts, but the truth is that it's a judgment of a person based on skin color. Black children are not any more likely to drop out, become pregnant, yadda yadda, than anyone else. What is likely, however, is that people who are neglected and abused by a society are more likely to walk in the ways they are told they are destined to walk in. This happens most often to people of color because these are the people who are abused! Maybe if we stop prophesying doom and creating an unfair system, we'll stop seeing it fulfill itself.

And let's consider something else: our rhetoric. I live in fairly gentrified Harlem, where many sweet and well-meaning white friends come over to visit and complain about how unsafe the neighborhood is (for those of you who know NYC, I live near Morningside Park on 120th. Not exactly Beirut.), because it is Harlem, after all. And visitors say things like, "That supermarket down the street is, surprisingly, very nice! Or, "People drive crazy around here. But we've come to expect it, because it's Harlem, after all." It's "Harlem." What, exactly, do you mean? I think we need to just be honest and say that it's known as a poor, black neighborhood and your expectations of people and things around here are low because of that.

Oh, and if you can say about anything at all, "That is so ghetto," there is something wrong. It has become so acceptable among some circles to say that kind of thing, but let's think about that. I am not judging you, beloved, but hear my heart. Essentially what you are saying is that people in those neighborhoods do things a certain way that is unacceptable/comical/silly. Never mind the fact that actions labeled "ghetto" are usually shaming the poor and uneducated for making do (often quite creatively) with the little they have. The fact is that people who use this phrase often don't consider why thus-described people do the things they do! You are building up judgment in your heart about people you have never even met and don't understand. Why do you decide that the way you do things is fine, but the way that others, whose names you don't even know, is worth making into a joke?

But it's understandable that lots of people think this way. Think of how things are portrayed in the media. Sure, people of color are able to be in movies and TV now, but what roles do they play? Almost always a service role. I didn't realize this until recently, but you watch. Note how often the servers at restaurants, secondary roles, bus drivers, etc. are almost always black! Sometimes I feel like I've been transported to 1955! When was the last time you saw a mainstream romantic comedy in which the it-girl or guy was black? Hitch. Great. Any more? Exactly. Sure, movies and TV are superficial and not to be taken seriously, but it sends a clear message that says the most important and respectable people in the world are white. As a famous fashion designer seemed to believe as he explained why he doesn't use black models, "White women do not respect black women." One effect of this twisted thinking is wrapped up in this conversation between 2 well-meaning Christian friends of mine back in college. They were talking about whether or not they would ever date someone of color. "I wouldn't date a black girl unless she was really pretty," the guy said. "Same with me for a black guy," the girl said.

And racism isn't color specific. Just as it is silly to assume that all people with dark skin are a certain way, it's just as silly to assume that all people with light skin are a certain way. Paranoia is another filthy legacy of slavery. The other day I was coming into my apartment when I was blindsided by another resident's attitude. She opened the door right before I did, so rather than pulling out my key, I went to hold the door open. She got mad and was like, "Do you live here?" I said yes. Not satisfied, she tried to block me from getting in the door. "Well, if you live here, you need to let yourself in then. Because if it was someone like me [meaning someone with dark skin], you woulda shut the door in my face." I'd had a rough evening and was kinda snappy. "And what color do you think my skin is?" I said. She didn't answer, but it helped me to realize that she did to me what I do sometimes, which is to assume that someone is discriminating when they aren't. Which is also racist. Oy. :)

The point of this post is not to rant or to blame people for being "racists." I have my dumb stereotypes as well (clearly), and I am often disgusted by my stereotypes and attitudes. But thankfully, God has been intervening to make short work of this nastiness! A couple of years ago, God gave me an incredible dream on the subject. In it, we were all at some kind of dinner party. A few people went up to the stage to perform. But the final performance blew my mind. It was a choir of African teens and young adults. They looked so beautiful and royal, and their voices were powerful! I don't recall their entire song, but the line I still remember, the last line, was this: We are one, we are one, the Lord is One, child!  They swayed as one wave of people when they sang this. God was implanting in my heart that we as the races are parts of each other, and the picture we make up is of God Himself!

So how do we pick up the pieces of this mess? First, we pray, asking God to help. We rejoice, realizing that God is surely at work, and that not all people walk in these ways. But we also realize that there is more to come, and that we could do so much better! Imagine a personal life, church, city, nation, world alive with genuine unity!

Where do we go from here? As we have established, laws and rules don't destroy the old mindsets. And simply trying to be nice to someone because of his skin won't do it, either, because it doesn't cause you to respect that person for who he is if you are still treating him (well or not well) based on his skin. The only possible way to do this is to ask God to help you. Let Him change your heart. Break agreement with the racist lies around you that have twisted your thinking, and let God re-establish your mindsets based on God's character as shown in the Bible! I testify as one who is being changed, that God will do a work that will surprise and delight you! Get ready for some major change in our society! Glory!