Safe Enough to Love

When I was ten, Hurricane Andrew blew through Miami, FL, leaving much devastation in its wake. In fact, it was from those subsequent newscasts that I learned that definition of the word
"devastation." The night of the storm, God gave superhuman strength to my family and I as we wondered what the next gust of wind would do. It had already taken out the roof on the other side of the house, and as we huddled in my grandmother's garage, I wondered how long that garage door would hold up.

But it did. We were kept safe and sound. In the midst of the madness, we didn't have to worry, even though we didn't know it.

The next night was a weird experience for me. See, we had been at my grandmother's house because we didn't want her to be alone. That, and our AC wasn't working. In August. In Miami. Exactly :) Our house didn't hold up, so we spent the night after the storm at my uncle's house because it faired better than my grandmother's.

When I lay my head down to sleep in my cousin's room that night, I had a fear rise up inside me as I looked at the broken trees through the front window. I thought, "What will I do tonight? We don't have the wherewithal to weather another storm." Then I shook it off, realizing that another storm was not going to hit us. Yet this deep, gutteral fear popped up that had nothing to do with reality! Fear had sown it into my heart.

But thanks be to God, He used this lie to show me a sweeter truth. We often fear because of things that happened in the past. We had a bad relationship with a guy, so we are on our guard next time. We will make sure that guy isn't going to control us, cheat on us, whatever. The problem is that, like Hurricane Evening and Subsequent Evening, the two are two different cases. When we assume they are similar, we will see things that may not really be there.

Relationships are like a room into which people enter. They are held by the God who made us both, and who loves us so much. He takes care of us. And when we draw boundary lines, it isn't to wall us in. We are already safe in Christ. It's to protect the oneness of the relationship. It's like how in the Garden of Eden, God made sure we couldn't continue to approach Him in our fallen state as we had before. If we were able to come and take advantage of His love while pursuing selfish gain, we would end up empty and alone. We also wouldn't know how to value love, so His sweet attempts to draw close would be lost on our inward-turned hearts. He was protecting the integrity of the love between He and us.

It's the same with relationships. We need boundaries, but not like legal contracts. Even Jesus Himself didn't control those taking Him to the cross. He continued to invite them, but He didn't force anyone to accept Him, nor did He force them not to hurt Him. He knew who He was, though, and He stated that He CHOSE to lay down His life. He wasn't immune to their unkindness, but He wasn't undone by it. When we let God set us free to be who we are in all settings, we allow others to be free in our presence! We won't be immune to hurt, but it won't be devastation. We will also walk in the freedom from setting up a basic profile that the people around us need to fit.

Now this doesn't mean we don't love people according to where they are emotionally, etc. If someone is manipulative or abusive, loving them doesn't mean telling them they are right when they are wrong. It also doesn't mean taking the place of Christ by thinking we are the only ones who can help them. And you set good boundaries because they need it, not because you need to force them not to hurt you. God knows what they need, and when you pray and ask God to take care of them, let it go to Him. If He calls you to help, help. If not, let it be.

So take each relationship one day at a time, and one person at a time. Love unconditionally and with a heart that's safe in God's loving arms. If you tend to see each new relationship as the same as the last, ask God why. There may be unforgiveness from past relationships. Or you may be agreeing with a lie that was spoken over you in the past (that keeping a man in your life depends on how good a woman you are, that a man's love validates you, you have to have what those around you have, etc.). Take it all to God. Please see below for a few good resources if you want to explore this further. I feel like GOd is saying to each reader right now that you are a special person! Rest in His love for you tonight!

1. Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul (John and Stasi Eldredge)
2. Culture of Honor (Danny Silk)
3. Leota's Garden (Francine Rivers)