Awhile back as I was heading home from a wonderful Thanksgiving time with honorary family, God showed me something special. I'd been on a remote and winding road, and I was just approaching a more populated area with streetlights. I'd already turned off my high beams as I'd come to the intersection, but another car near me had not. The thought crossed my mind that you can tell where a car has been based on its lights. This car was clearly coming from a dark road also, and its high beams reflected that. It no longer needed them, but adjusting to a new place takes mental recognition followed by action. The driver needed to recognize that he/she was now surrounded by adequate lighting. Then the action of turning the brights off needed to follow.
Sure, this seems simple and obvious when talking about cars and lights. But it immediately drew me to a thought about people and life.
You can also tell a lot about where people have been based on their brights. By "brights," I mean those precautions they still take even though they don't need to.
For instance, I remember when as a teenager, I told a friend about something (I don't recall what), and following my statement with, "It really happened, seriously!" She kinda laughed and said, "Why are you trying to convince me that you're serious? I don't think you're lying!" Haha, that really surprised me. I didn't even realize I was trying to convince her. I was just so used to speaking like that because I'd made it my m.o. for reasons that no longer existed. I'd grown up talking to people who didn't really regard me, so I'd put on this precaution of defensiveness that lingered on into a friendship where it was unnecessary. It was only when I realized it that I was able to do something about it.
For instance, I remember when as a teenager, I told a friend about something (I don't recall what), and following my statement with, "It really happened, seriously!" She kinda laughed and said, "Why are you trying to convince me that you're serious? I don't think you're lying!" Haha, that really surprised me. I didn't even realize I was trying to convince her. I was just so used to speaking like that because I'd made it my m.o. for reasons that no longer existed. I'd grown up talking to people who didn't really regard me, so I'd put on this precaution of defensiveness that lingered on into a friendship where it was unnecessary. It was only when I realized it that I was able to do something about it.
And what, exactly, can be done? It's not always as simple as knowing what behavior to change; we do what we do for a reason! G.I. Joe says that knowing is only half the battle. :)
First of, we must assess the situation. Ever notice that we react deeply to some situations and not others? For example, I may recall one situation in grade school in which I was bullied because of my unique clothing. I may subconsciously decide that I'll never again let my clothing be the inlet for someone to hurt my feelings. So I may go about my life prioritizing shopping, justifying overspending on clothing. I've reacted on a gut level to this situation. On the other hand, I may go through a break up in which things end amicably, and I can enter new relationship with no trouble. Both situations hurt, but only one impacts my future negatively. Why?
Because of the beliefs we've internalize from each situation. In the first scenario, I believed the bullies. If I hadn't believed them, I wouldn't have tried to remedy the problem they said I had. If someone told you the sky was falling, you'd probably do nothing about it, right? You know it isn't true, so why bother? But note how in the second scenario, there were no lies. The break up happened, you parted ways amicably, and you moved on with your life. So you were able to transition into new things without having to defeat any hurtful thoughts about yourself.
You gain baggage from things that affect your belief system, not things that don't. So let's go back to the bully issue. If you believed your clothes were fine and the bullies were the problem, you wouldn't have forced yourself to make the adjustment.
So once you realize that a fundamental belief was sown into your heart, you must ask what resulted from said belief. In the above case, I believed my wardrobe choice was to blame for people hurting me. I felt bad, and whether it be that I felt ugly, silly, or poor because of my clothes, it was a feeling I didn't want to experience again. Perhaps I believed that I was ugly, silly, or poor, and that the abusive behavior seemed to affirm that lie.
So what do we do about the lie? The best way to combat a lie is with the truth. The truth about something comes from the originator of the thing itself. Let me explain. If you went to a restaurant and wanted to know what was in that amazing cake, would you call your therapist and ask him/her? No, you'd probably inquire of the chef who baked it. So if you want to know the truth about yourself, start with the God who hand made you and dreamed up your purpose in His heart.
Since your creativity was His idea, He would help you understand it. He'd tell you that you are beautifully unique and, like all people, worthy of respect. You did not deserve the abuse, there's nothing wrong with your clothing taste, and you can disregard the hurtful words.
So fixing the belief system starts with finding the lie that was sown, and deciding not to believe it anymore. But lies bring spiritual death, so your heart will also need healing from the pain. Ask God, and He will do that. It may take time, but He will complete it.
Now you will be as good as new, restored to the wholeness you had before that hurt ever happened! In fact, you'll be better off than before, because you'll no longer be vulnerable to that lie's intrusion like you were initially!
So now you can have a sober-minded view of your life and realize there are more important things to regard besides undoing your past. Now that you no longer feel obligated to protect yourself, you can free up your resources to tend to more important things. Perhaps one lie you've believed is that your dreams were unattainable. So you made your goals small. But when you stop believing the lie, you realize that your goal of saving for a house is realistic when you stop wasting what you've been given! You now realize that the answer to your prayer lies in letting go of a lie and freeing your finances!
So essentially, you can now recognize the street lights around you (God's truth) and turn off your brights (your defense mechanisms). They are wasting energy, blinding other drivers, and not helping you at all! Be free to see what's really there and to live it out! Happy driving!
First of, we must assess the situation. Ever notice that we react deeply to some situations and not others? For example, I may recall one situation in grade school in which I was bullied because of my unique clothing. I may subconsciously decide that I'll never again let my clothing be the inlet for someone to hurt my feelings. So I may go about my life prioritizing shopping, justifying overspending on clothing. I've reacted on a gut level to this situation. On the other hand, I may go through a break up in which things end amicably, and I can enter new relationship with no trouble. Both situations hurt, but only one impacts my future negatively. Why?
Because of the beliefs we've internalize from each situation. In the first scenario, I believed the bullies. If I hadn't believed them, I wouldn't have tried to remedy the problem they said I had. If someone told you the sky was falling, you'd probably do nothing about it, right? You know it isn't true, so why bother? But note how in the second scenario, there were no lies. The break up happened, you parted ways amicably, and you moved on with your life. So you were able to transition into new things without having to defeat any hurtful thoughts about yourself.
You gain baggage from things that affect your belief system, not things that don't. So let's go back to the bully issue. If you believed your clothes were fine and the bullies were the problem, you wouldn't have forced yourself to make the adjustment.
So once you realize that a fundamental belief was sown into your heart, you must ask what resulted from said belief. In the above case, I believed my wardrobe choice was to blame for people hurting me. I felt bad, and whether it be that I felt ugly, silly, or poor because of my clothes, it was a feeling I didn't want to experience again. Perhaps I believed that I was ugly, silly, or poor, and that the abusive behavior seemed to affirm that lie.
So what do we do about the lie? The best way to combat a lie is with the truth. The truth about something comes from the originator of the thing itself. Let me explain. If you went to a restaurant and wanted to know what was in that amazing cake, would you call your therapist and ask him/her? No, you'd probably inquire of the chef who baked it. So if you want to know the truth about yourself, start with the God who hand made you and dreamed up your purpose in His heart.
Since your creativity was His idea, He would help you understand it. He'd tell you that you are beautifully unique and, like all people, worthy of respect. You did not deserve the abuse, there's nothing wrong with your clothing taste, and you can disregard the hurtful words.
So fixing the belief system starts with finding the lie that was sown, and deciding not to believe it anymore. But lies bring spiritual death, so your heart will also need healing from the pain. Ask God, and He will do that. It may take time, but He will complete it.
Now you will be as good as new, restored to the wholeness you had before that hurt ever happened! In fact, you'll be better off than before, because you'll no longer be vulnerable to that lie's intrusion like you were initially!
So now you can have a sober-minded view of your life and realize there are more important things to regard besides undoing your past. Now that you no longer feel obligated to protect yourself, you can free up your resources to tend to more important things. Perhaps one lie you've believed is that your dreams were unattainable. So you made your goals small. But when you stop believing the lie, you realize that your goal of saving for a house is realistic when you stop wasting what you've been given! You now realize that the answer to your prayer lies in letting go of a lie and freeing your finances!
So essentially, you can now recognize the street lights around you (God's truth) and turn off your brights (your defense mechanisms). They are wasting energy, blinding other drivers, and not helping you at all! Be free to see what's really there and to live it out! Happy driving!
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